28/03/17: Omniscience Over Your Shoulder


There is no escape. Every breath you take, every move you make, every step you take, it’ll be watching you. Traditionally, the train has not been the place for privacy. If anything, the morning train is one of the most forced social occasions of the day. It is therefore not the most appropriate place to indulge your fantasies. Well, depending on what they are of course.

You can try all you like, dear sir, to casually and with all the subtlety you can muster hide your phone screen with your hand. In fact, I admire your cupping technique to reduce gaps between fingers.

But we both know that I saw you type in ‘sexy girls in stockings’ into Google. Problem is, you are choosing to do this on a packed morning train, with not only me sitting next to you, but also people standing in the walkways. With the advantage of the high ground, it would be pretty difficult to mask whatever antics you get up to on your phone. The eyes are everywhere. Escape is impossible.

While we’re here, I would also like to point out that by creating the hand hood as it were, you are drawing more attention to yourself. As soon as you are visibly attempting to hide something, you grab the attention of those around you by the scruff of the neck.

You may as well accept your fate. Or be proud of who you are. Be proud of your love for women in stockings. I’m not suggesting you shout it unto the world, but still, we won’t judge you. Much. I promise.

Give in, dearest gentleman, give in to who you are. Search for your stocking-ed ladies. In fact what the hell, I’ll search for them too if it makes you feel better. I know being British you are biologically programmed to be awkward when it comes to expressing who you are. But you must suppress these feelings. I believe in you.

Because you must remember, there is no escape from the collective eye on the train. It is ever present, it is everywhere, it sees all.

All hail the freedom of self-expression. All hail the sexy stocking-ed ladies loving gentleman!



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