This morning I have been truly blessed on my train ride to work. Thank the heavens I took the early service, for without it I wouldn’t be in your great presence, oh Grand One. Today is the day I ride the train with the Lord of the Elements: the grand master of the weather.
I come to you on a typically grey and drizzly London morning. As the harsh Winter slowly gives into the joys of Spring, it’s remnants can be seen in the cold snap in the air.
My point is, it’s cold and rainy.
The arrival of the train provides some comfort in these downright annoying conditions. The carriage may be that of a Southeastern train, but it gives much needed warmth and shelter from the conditions.
But then you, oh great master of the elements make your entrance. If it wasn’t for your great importance, I might have been annoyed at how you barged into me on your way to your seat. But I forget, you are above the rest of us mere mortals.
Despite the fact the carriage already has a slight air of chill (what with all the opening and closing doors at each station and all) you hath decreed unto us all that you wish to unleash the outside world into the carriage. Every available window in the vicinity has been opened now, as you take your seat opposite me with a face smothered in an arrogant smugness, often unseen in us mere considerate beings.
“The Grand Master of the Elements works in mysterious ways”, speaks the scriptures. And they were right, your ways are indeed mysterious. For the windows are now open and have transformed this once safe haven into a frozen wasteland. However, you remain wrapped in your multiple layers of jumpers, scarves and coats.
Any one of the rest of us would have removed some layers for some ventilation, but we do not possess your great knowledge, power and wisdom. Most importantly, we are but specks of dust compared to your monumental greatness. The masses remain in your great shadow, what we want shall never matter.
As I write this, I am in fact having to wipe small droplets of rain from my screen. The weather outside has now launched its final offensive on the carriage, all masterminded by this great Element Overlord.
It’s a good job you are not just another one of us, for I would see you as an inconsiderate, selfish, colossal oxygen thief with a face, as they say, like a smacked arse.
But this does not matter, for you are the Grand Master of the Elements. Your utter greatness frees you from any judgement.
Or not, dick.